Outgrowing my mothers arms for a second time!
Before my separation, the relationship between my mother and I was just there. Sometimes disappointed by her choices in life, angry that she wasn’t calling me enough times and didn’t understand my struggles abroad.
But something changed since I told her I had left Shanghai for Gothenburg, and of course, the circumstances. Not only did she call me twice a day, but she also made sure that I had eaten, was not alone, and was hanging in there before I finally made it to Kenya for some tender love and care.
I have always admired my mother. First, because she is my mother and secondly, because of her resilience. Coming from an extremely humble background, and have made it in life through hard work and resilience. This is a woman who went back to university in her 40s, paid my school fees for journalism school when my dad had doubts about my career path, all while maintaining her youthful image. I definitely hope to be half the woman she is by the time I turn 60.
On the other hand, I have questioned her affiliation to the Catholic church (I left the catholic church due to ideology issues)
and always felt that she spent too much time there and it’s only recently that I found that she wasn’t always praying 🤣she was busy being part of a community and contributing through administrative duties which recently paid off when she used some of these experiences while applying to be a board member in a Government highschool and the ministry of education recognized her leadership skills from various community groups she leads including Catholic Women Association.
Anyway, back to our relationship, this season has really changed how we relate. I have in the past gifted trips and various experiences to my parents, not expecting anything in return. This, however, was something that featured prominently when they told me they would love to support Penny and me during our time of need. A token of appreciation, they called it. My mother (and my father) not only invested in my daughter and me financially, physically and emotionally, but also extended her grace to the father of my child. The number of times I had to stop her from calling to check on him as she was a bit worried about him :-P I think my family is more heartbroken about our separation than we are, and it might take them a while to accept. I remember sharing the reasons that led to our break-up, and their first reaction was: “Ok, it has happened. How can we solve this together?” Took a while for them to understand due to cultural differences; their goodwill would not be appreciated.
And what was this blogpost about then? What’s the moral of these rumblings? Relax!
My mother not calling me yesterday and me not being bothered, was a sign that I was stable and ready to walk alone. After weeks of relying on family and friends to stay alive (Thanks Doreen, Shirley and Echo).
I don’t know how this happened, but suddenly I woke up one day last week and didn’t feel anxious about so much stuff that kept me awake for the last 6 months. I wasn’t bothered that Penny’s dad hadn’t communicated about daycare details he was supposed to share; instead, I went online and did it myself. Instead, I felt this sudden empowerment. Felt sexy in my clothes, confident in my voice and even in how I was handling my baby. I can’t explain how I got there, but it just happened, and I'm running with it. I got this!
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