Penny and I lived with an alcoholic!

Hi guys, it’s been a minute. Life has been happening, in a good way. Penny and I have a healthy social life now, so we’ve been keeping up with that, saying yes to more playdates, walks, fika, and small moments that make our days feel full and warm.

Reaching this point made me pause the other day and really reflect on how far we’ve come and some of the hurdles we’ve had to overcome to get here.

One of those hurdles was our brief encounter with an alcoholic landlord.

READ ABOUT MY THOUGHTS ON COMPUTER PARENTING!

I remember my decision to leave Shanghai was made in a single week. Everything happened so fast. I was emotionally exhausted, handling a young baby, and trying to make huge life decisions with very little time. I had to sort out accommodation quickly, and in my rush, I turned to Facebook. That’s where I came across this woman who, at first glance, seemed like a lovely lady.

She had two options: a villa and an apartment. I chose the villa because it looked calm, spacious, and ideal for Penny and me to settle into. What I didn’t know at the time was that she had a serious alcohol problem and an estranged relationship with her daughter and most of her family. Looking back, I can see the red flags, but at that time I was in survival mode, just trying to find a safe roof over our heads.

The first week was actually really great. She was friendly, talkative, and very welcoming. I thought I’d found a little haven for us.

Then things shifted.

She started walking into the villa unannounced, no knocking, no warning, and would head straight to our bedroom to interact with Penny. She would come in reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, and my anxiety went through the roof. As a new mother, you’re already hypervigilant, but now I felt like our safe space wasn’t really ours.

It didn’t stop there. She began eating our food without asking, mum shaming the way I was parenting my child while hers had abandoned her for her alcoholic behaviour. Then she wanted us to spend all our time together, talking, sitting, drinking (her drinking, me just being there). In another season of my life, maybe I would have had more emotional bandwidth to understand and navigate her loneliness and pain. But in that moment, I was depleted. I was barely holding myself together, breastfeeding, healing, and processing an entire life transition. As much as I could see her struggle, the truth is: one simply cannot pour from an empty cup and so we forfeited our rent and deposit and left before a month ended.

At that point, Penny was only 5 months old.

It was during this time that I truly realised how deeply connected we were. Whenever the landlord came close, Penny would pause and look at me first, scanning my face before deciding how to respond. She didn’t just go to her blindly; she searched for my cues. Was I relaxed? Was I tense? Was this person “safe” in my eyes?

This has become one of the most beautiful and grounding things about our relationship.

To this day, Penny still does this. In new environments, with new people, she still looks for my reaction first. It’s like we have this unspoken language, tiny glances, energy checks, that guides how we move through social spaces together. I am so grateful for this connection, especially as a single mother navigating unfamiliar territories, cultures, and systems.

The way Penny would look to me for reassurance reminded me that I am her safe base. It made me more intentional about how I show up in different environments, because she’s constantly learning from my responses. I’m not just navigating the world for myself anymore; I’m modelling it for her.

Penny and I have come a long way from that 5-month-old baby and that exhausted mum trying to figure everything out in a stranger’s villa. Now, we have routines, a community, laughter, and a growing sense of stability. We still look at each other for reassurance in new spaces, but now there’s more confidence in those glances, more trust in the life we’re building.