Finding Cate

The holidays arrived this year with   impeccable timing,  right as I became a newly separated mother, operating on a limited budget and a sleep schedule held together by caffeine and hope. No matching pajamas. No picture-perfect tree. Just me, my baby, and a determination to get through December without financial panic or emotional collapse. Good news: we survived. Better news? It turned out to be meaningful, funny, and unexpectedly rich in ways that had nothing to do with money. 1. Lowering the Bar (and Finding Peace There) This was not the year of Pinterest perfection and once I accepted that, everything got easier. Babies don’t care about coordinated decorations or expensive gifts. They care about warmth, comfort, and someone responding when they cry at 3 a.m. So I adjusted expectations accordingly and gave myself permission to do  less . Highly recommend. SURVIVING SEPARATION ON A BUDGET 2. Savings: Past Me Did One Thing Right A small savings buffer, nothing dramatic,...

I did not move back to Sweden from Shanghai thinking, “Wow, I can’t wait to learn extreme budgeting with a newborn.” Yet here we are. In the span of a short, chaotic time, I separated from a marriage, without a job, packed up my life in China, and landed in Sweden with a baby who thought sleep was optional. Suddenly I was not a glamorous expat anymore. I was a tired parent standing in ICA, calculating the price per kilo like it was an Olympic sport. Turns out, life has a very efficient way of teaching you how to live within your means. It does not send a PowerPoint. It sends bills. Goodbye Shanghai, Hello Willys Discounts In Shanghai, food delivery apps knew me personally. In Sweden, the cashier at Willys started recognizing me instead. I learned quickly that full price is for people with either unlimited income or no fear. I had neither. So I became loyal to discounts. Yellow price tags became my love language. I have planned meals around what is cheap that week, not around what I fel...

Hello, dear readers! Today, I am here to share my wild and wacky escapades following my bold decision to walk out of my marriage when my baby was a mere five months old. Spoiler alert: I relocated from Shanghai to good old Sweden and did it all solo. Ah, the sweet aroma of freedom—or was that just last night’s takeout?   Anyway, let’s get down to business. If you find yourself contemplating a dramatic exit, heed these quirky factors to consider:   1. The Diaper Dilemma Seriously, who knew a tiny human could produce that much waste? When you’re on the verge of walking out, take a moment to think about your new relationship with diapers. Will you be carting bags of baby booty bombs through the airport? Do you really want to take that baggage (pun completely intended) with you?    2. Relocation Realities Picture this: I stepped off the plane in Sweden with one eye on the baby carrier and the other on a giant IKEA catalog. Relocating isn’t just about moving your home; yo...

There’s a myth that after separation you   “find yourself.” Like you pop into a quiet yoga studio, stretch once, and boom there you are. Centered. Serene. Wearing linen. In reality, finding yourself as a newly separated mum looks more like standing in the kitchen at 2:17am, eating cold pasta straight from the container, wondering how you became a person who owns  four types of baby wipes but no matching socks . Welcome. You’re doing great. Step One: Realising You’re Alone… But Never Actually Alone The first shock post-separation isn’t loneliness. It’s the opposite. You are  never  alone. You shower with the door open. You pee with an audience. You conduct emotional breakdowns while bouncing a baby like an Olympic sport. There is no space to dramatically stare out of windows anymore. Your baby will simply spit up on you and ruin the moment. And yet, in the middle of all that noise, there’s a strange quiet realization: Oh. It’s just me now. I make the calls. Terrifying...

After almost eight years together—and six months separated from the father of my child—people have started to ask the inevitable question:  “Are you dating again?” I understand the curiosity. From the outside, time passes neatly. Six months feels like a milestone. A year sounds like “enough.” At 36, though, I’ve learned that healing doesn’t run on a social calendar. It moves on an internal one. So no, dating isn’t off the table. But it’s not something I’m rushing toward either. This chapter of my life isn’t about finding someone new to fill a space. It’s about making sure that space is healthy, grounded, and truly mine before anyone else enters it. Here’s what I’m focused on before I even consider a new man. 1. Doing the Work on Myself. For Real Separation doesn’t automatically equal healing. I’ve learned that the hard way. Even through co-parenting, I’ve become aware of toxic traits I still carry patterns I learned, defenses I built, reactions that show up before logic has a chanc...

Sometimes, when you hear someone say, “I can’t imagine how tough what you’re going through is,” it’s meant with kindness and compassion. Truly, I get it. Those words come from a good place, a place of empathy, of wanting to help, of wanting to make us feel seen. But here’s the thing: for many women navigating divorce, postpartum struggles, or solo parenting, those words can feel a little like a double-edged sword. Why? Because when you’re in the thick of it, fighting to keep everything afloat, feeling sorry for yourself isn’t just unhelpful, it can be downright detrimental. It’s like pouring sugar on a wound that’s already healing. Pity can inadvertently reinforce feelings of helplessness, making it harder to focus on the strength and resilience that are often buried beneath. Here’s the truth… I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I need you to see me, not just my struggles, but my strength. I need support that lifts me up, encourages my resilience, and reminds me that I am more than ...

We had breakfast and lunch in France… and dinner in Sweden. How does a jobless, newly separated mother living off her savings pull that off, you ask? Well, after finally finding a permanent home for Penny, I decided it was time. Time for her to meet her grandparents in Kenya for the very first time. We booked our tickets in mid-August and started the long, excited countdown to September. The day finally came. We set off for our early Air France flight, hearts full and bags packed. Back in Kenya, my parents could barely contain themselves, they were about to meet their granddaughter for the first time. You should’ve seen  us . The excitement was unreal. Even Penny, just six months old at the time, seemed to feel it. She was in her element, charming everyone on the flight like the tiny celebrity she is. We landed in France and headed straight to immigration, eager to catch our connecting flight to Kenya. I handed over my passport, no problem. Then I handed over Penny’s. Beep. They tr...

Hi guys, it’s been a minute. Life has been happening, in a good way. Penny and I have a healthy social life now, so we’ve been keeping up with that, saying yes to more playdates, walks, fika, and small moments that make our days feel full and warm. Reaching this point made me pause the other day and really reflect on how far we’ve come and some of the hurdles we’ve had to overcome to get here. One of those hurdles was our brief encounter with an alcoholic landlord. READ ABOUT MY THOUGHTS ON COMPUTER PARENTING! I remember my decision to leave Shanghai was made in a single week. Everything happened so fast. I was emotionally exhausted, handling a young baby, and trying to make huge life decisions with very little time. I had to sort out accommodation quickly, and in my rush, I turned to Facebook. That’s where I came across this woman who, at first glance, seemed like a lovely lady. She had two options: a villa and an apartment. I chose the villa because it looked calm, spacious, and ...