My newborn helped me manage my heartbreak



The question I'm most often asked is, "How did you manage a separation with a newborn and postpartum?" Half the time, my honest answer is, "I don’t know." But a recent conversation brought a profound realisation: without my daughter, Penny, I might have truly lost my way. It was the fierce determination not to fail her that became my guiding light.

From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I was acutely aware of the kind of parent I wanted to be. One of my greatest fears, which I shared with Penny’s father, was losing my patience, shouting, or instilling unnecessary fear in her. This very drive became a powerful force, helping me stay sober even during the toughest times. I knew I had to maintain a smiling, playful, and jovial demeanour because Penny deserves a happy childhood, not one shadowed by a sad and listless mother.

Calm baby

I am incredibly fortunate that Penny is a calm baby. I honestly don’t know how I would have coped if she weren't. She sleeps when I sleep and rarely wakes up at night, allowing me precious moments of rest. Her natural curiosity is also a blessing. When she isn’t busy exploring her toys, she's often engrossed in figuring out the fascinating patterns on the floor. These small observations fill me with joy and keep me grounded.

Fitness

Maintaining my physical health has also been crucial. I make it a point to walk 10,000 steps every day and work out at the outdoor gym, regardless of the weather. Someone once told me that "depression is afraid of movement," and I've found this to be profoundly true. These activities provide a much-needed boost to my mental well-being, helping me stay strong for Penny.

HOW I RUINED MY MARRIAGE

Survival mode 

 I was also in survival mode, focusing on making sure Penny was well-fed and cared for. We are fortunate to be on top of our bills, months in advance, which provides a financial cushion as I search for a job. The goal is to secure employment by the time Penny is ready for daycare in February. I am also deeply grateful for the supportive community I’ve found in Gothenburg, as well as the unwavering support from friends and family back in Kenya. Their encouragement and practical help have been invaluable during this challenging time.

Basically, navigating separation with a newborn has been a journey of unforeseen strength, resilience, and profound love. Penny has not only been my reason to keep going but also my source of unwavering joy and motivation.

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